Poetry From the Other End of Experience
A twelve inch snake he left for me
A twelve inch snake that could not see
It’s head stuck down inside that hole
With its tail was curved round the bowl
That twelve inch snake that could not bite
But with its stench was quite a fright
That twelve inch snake it sits there still
Despite the flush, despite the swirl
It gives no joy; It gives no glee
This twelve inch snake he left for me.
Another contribution from Lovecrafts Other Ball
HELLO, its Me,
I’m stuck here on the toilet and I’ve run out of TP
I had an urge of the fecal type
I’ve made a huge mess
And now I can’t wipe
So HELLO from the other stall
I was just out shopping at the mall
When I just had to clinch my cheeks
I really am sorry, and i guess I lack class
But I’m just desperate to wipe my fat ass Can you spare me some?
Ooh (flush, flush, flush) fat ass
Ooh (swirl, swirl, swirl) fat ass
HELLO from the other stall
Thanks for responding to my call.
You really helped out with all that two ply
I feel so much better, not telling no lie
Ooh (flush, flush, flush) no lie
Ooh (swirl, swirl, swirl) no lie
Another addition from Lovecrafts Other Ball
“He’s a foul Smelling brute” she heard mother sob..
“He’s fat, unattractive and can’t hold a Job
Your marriage to him was surely a curse.
I must say for a husband you couldn’t do worse
“You just don’t know the real him. “ Helga Sighed
“He has a saving grace that fills me with pride
All men curse, smoke, and beat on their wives
Bereft of all morals, they lead riggish lives.
And when it comes to micturition and relief
Most sully their homes, like some hoggish thief
Among their porcine deeds, surely the worst
To piss in the sink, without clearing it first
Refrain
Take the dishes out first, take the dishes out first
Any man who doesn’t is surely the worst
A man that would sully his own kitchen sink
And piss on the glass he just used to drink
Or spritz on his plate, or whiz on his spoon
Is surely one low born sickening goon
Yester eve my husband left at seven for a wee drink
Came stumbling in at two, my God, he did stink
Slogged out to the kitchen, an undid his pants
But suddenly stopped and started to dance.
Refrain
He reached into the sink and pulled out a glass
Then removed all the plates from this eve’s repast
And set them all on the counter with care
Until the sink had been made totally bare.
Then he stepped up to the ceremonial vessel
And with his buttoned up fly he started to wrestle
As he freed his wee willy his eyes started to twinkle
I heard him moan with joy as he started to tinkle
And so dear mother I say with a haughty joy
When next you speak of my plump golden boy
Remember how he went to best from worst
When my gentleman hubby took the dishes out first
Refrain
by lovecrafts other Ball
This does not necessarily reflect the views of the Toilet Laureate , but this is lovecrafts other Ball’s first swim in these waters and I want to encourage him,
Dead mothers in Bags
Murderers on the subway
NYC needs an enema
Illegals in beds
Veterans on the street
NYC needs an enema
Playstation Riots
Politicized DAs
NYC needs an enema
Diblasio’s a crook
Adams just an empty suit.
NYC needs an enema
Privileged white cotton
here to indict
To violate my innards
my most vulnerable site
Forced in me! Forced in me!
At the worst of all times
Sucking my blood
Sucking me dry!
No freedom from you
til engorged with my gore
This monthly devil
I really abhor!
A man once called an old sweetheart
In school of her virtue she would not part
Such a sweet little thing
That made his heart sing
He hoped the romance to now restart
On the phone she seemed quite receptive
Of his charms she seemed quite susceptive
so she penciled him in
to come around ten
He didn’t ask about contraceptives
He pressed the chimes at his angels door
Hopes for sweet salvation and more
She opened with whips
and tight leather slip
He ran like a bitch to join the peace corp