Poetry From the Other End of Experience
I never like it hot.
I only like it cold
Heat brings friction,
irritation ‘tween my folds.
In summertime I wipe
Forever do I wipe
Constantly ‘tween the folds
but always I smell ripe.
As I wiped one day
I came across a bump
Poor little critter died in there
and rotted to a lump
So they’re always covered
And constantly cleaned
So none of Nature’s friends
will die there in between
You start to whine about 35 years
but most of the time when were you here?
Down at the pub, out with the boys
Raising your wrist was your greatest joy
How ’bout the times you spent with those whores?
Everyone knew they weren’t really cold sores
Now you are broke down and not much to see
So you decide to come crawling to me.
Suck your own dick! Suck your own dick!
For 35 years you’ve been a big prick!
Suck your own dick. Suck your own dick
For 35 years you made me quite sick!
You talk about work- I made more than you
and did all house work while you went and screwed.
The few times we did it, I had a child
That I had to raise while you ran the streets wild
Do you even think you can get it to stand?
Look in the mirror. You’re not much a man
The shriveled thing has seen better days.
All things considered why should I stay?
The games started late
at night -11:21
Phi Rho had the greatest prick
They had the biggest gun
Big Pete had such a dick
A mighty iron beam
From his pride with great force flowed
A mighty golden stream
Out of the drunk and noisy crowd
Many contenders did step out
Each one grabbed his member
and tried to win the bout
They had to beat the piss mark
the distance shot by Pete
Each one shot as hard they could
to claim the winner’s seat
They have to do their part. Their frat demands the win
They have to beat the piss mark. Their frat depends on them
Grab your rods hard, my boys, and turn those cocks around
Beat the mighty piss mark. You gotta cut it down!
The first one stumbled forward
and struck a mighty stance
So sloshed was he that all he did
was stand and piss his pants
“We have to beat the piss mark!”
was the battle cry
The next one came unzipped his pants
and said,”I’ll take a try”
A ray of light shot from his pal
Strong, and straight, and long
But it fell short of the mark
from Pete’s golden dong
The crowd cheered on many
to give it all they can
But as the night dwindled down
it had been beaten by no man
They have to do their part. Their frat demands the win
They have to beat the piss mark. Their frat depends on them
Grab your rods hard, my boys, and turn those cocks around
Beat the mighty piss mark. You gotta cut it down
Each club sent up a man
and each one felt defeat
The mark, it seemed, would stand for life
Never to be beat
Then spoke up little Susie
who seldom made a sound
“You drunks woke me up!
That’s why I’m in this gown”
“If you promise to be quiet,
I’ll put this mark to rest
She lifted up her gown to
to prove she was the best
Not even in Asian porn had
the crowd seen such a sight
She gripped her muff and shot a flow
proving she was right
She had to win this match so she could get some sleep
She had to win this match so all the drunks would leave
She grabbed her box hard and spun her puss around
She beat the mighty piss mark then went to lay back down
A bone-shattering silence dominates the hall
The chosen cringe in the darkness, they heard the call
What could the wretches do, but sit there and moan –
It’s suppository time in the old folks’ home.
With the nurses rubber gloves come out to play
And with their magic missiles hope to make a shitty day
A wickedly cold shiver will penetrate the bone –
It’s suppository time in the old folks’ home.
She told me not to eat it. It had sat around all night.
Now it ripped its way through me- I hate it when she’s right.
I rushed the john. I dropped my pants and aimed my behind down.
Too soon! I missed. The wall did splat and make a mighty sound.
I grabbed a towel to clean my mess but found it wasn’t bad.
With depth my ass had told a tale on tile that made me glad.
This had to be put on film to share it with all Mankind.
When I came back to take a snap, I found in there my wife.
“NO! Don’t do it!” I begged as she sprayed the rag to wipe.
She said to me, “It’s only shit, brown and gross and ripe.”
“It speaks of Mankind’s plight,” I said, “and of Mankind’s pain.
You cannot understand what my ass is trying to say.”
Again she said, “It’s only shit that needs to be removed.
To keep it here for all to see in no way I’ll approve.”
I to her, “When first we met, I did not think you dense
But great art before you stands. Of this you have no sense.”
“No sense,” she said, “I’ve more than you for I see it’s only shit!”
” ‘No’, I say. It’s Man’s great trek and how his soul’s unfit.
This splotch shows him naked, ashamed before the Earth.
This one,” I went on, “shows the darkness of our birth.”
“BUT IT’S ONLY SHIT!” she cried, “You see what e’er you want.
‘IT’S ONLY SHIT,’ I say for you’re not some great savant!”
“You don’t know art,” I said to her. “Let’s put this thing to rest
We’ll call on those who claim to know what art is really best.”
We called on five who claimed to judge the truth with in all art.
The first one who came and saw called it bold and with great heart.
The second came and said it lacked of anything mature.
The third was touched by its dark view of human souls impure.
The fourth came claiming it was a copy of one he saw in France.
The fifth needed to break the tie came in and gave a glance,
My wife yelled, “Tell him it’s shit” To which he said, “You’re right.”
I shouted back, “I won’t be wrong. Don’t help her win this fight.”
“I did not say that you were wrong,” the critic then chimed in,
“But you crapped it out. It is shit, In this your wife will win.
But is it art? That’s up to you and your wife to surely judge
Whether you decide to clean it off or keep your walls afudged.
I’ve been to lands far and wide and seen shit on many walls
Is yours better or worse? I cannot make that call.”
He left us there perplexed as hell not knowing what to do.
So we flipped a coin to let the gods decide our bathroom view