That Brown Eyed Bitch

The fresh meat sat beside me
and said that I looked safe
I pointed to the tear drops
tattooed upon my face

“You know what these mean?”
I questioned the newbie now.
“It means you paid good money for
ugly marks inked to your brow?”

“Good money, yes,” I set him straight,
“but for a reason true.
Two tears are beneath my eye
for a body count of two.”

“This is the county jail,” he said,
It’s not for heinous crimes.
Petty things like booze or drugs
Offenses with small time.”

“You’re right, I said, “I’m here
for trial while state collects the proof.”
A guard walked by, banged my table,
then he shouted, “Woof!”

I chuckled out and told the boy,
“It signifies ‘Big Dog’
So do what I tell you at all times
and we will get along.”

The rookie knew he picked wrong
and looked to move his chair.
I stopped him cold, “Stay by me.
Don’t you move. Don’t even dare.”

He gulped a bit then stared back
as I pointed to my tears,
“This one is for that brown eyed bitch,
the one who put me here.”

“She felt so soft, smelled so good,
and fought so very little.
Sure she yelped and howled a bit,
but I thought I had submittal.”

“Yelped and howled?” he quizzed me,
“then I must have missed the point.
What crime did you really do
to land you in the joint?”

“That’s my style of language use.
I mean she screamed alot,”
I added on, “but she turned to bite
so I had to kill the slut.”

A guard walked by and on the table
he placed a leather leash.
I thought fast, “He’s telling you
I’ll walk you where I please.”

Again he spoke while pointing
to the tattoos of the drops,
“The second one, was it for
another bitch you were atop?”

If it’s so, then I am safe
for you only violate girls.”
“Really,” I said, “this is jail.
Any port within the storm.”

He gulped again, and stared ahead.
I knew he’d be my bitch
Until the cop came up again
and pulled a nasty switch.

He exchanged the leather leash for
a collar he put down,
“Don’t let him fool you boy.
The brown eyed bitch was a hound.”

Squashing My Way To Paradise

Before reading this one, I suggest that the less enlightened ones look up ‘squash videos’

How many tomatoes can those big toes smash
before my rocks get off?
How many seedless grapes can those big heels crush
before I need to boff?

Squashing my way to paradise
She’s squashing my way to paradise

How much hamburger can be smooched under those soles
before I get that burn
How much egg salad can slip beneath those feet
before I get that urge?

Squashing my way to paradise
She’s squashing my way to paradise

The Mustache who Yodels

If you’re asked by a girl who comes up to you
what really she needs to make her toes curl
Tell her to see if bushed lipped men will do

Do try to find the mustache that yodels

For he goes yodeling, yodeling
down in the valley
That’s where the mustaches learn to strike true gold
Yodeling, yodeling
down in the valley
That kind of talent never gets old

To keep up appearances one must give way
to dine with clean cut, boring young men
Your parents are pleased, but at the end of the day

Do try to find the mustache that yodels

For he goes yodeling, yodeling
down in the valley
That’s where the mustaches learn to strike true gold
Yodeling, yodeling
down in the valley
That kind of talent never gets old

A clean shaven man can never do things
to tickle you right in the places that matter
To hit the high notes and hear yourself sing

Do try to find the mustache that yodels

For he goes yodeling, yodeling
down in the valley
That’s where the mustaches learn to strike true gold
Yodeling, yodeling
down in the valley
That kind of talent never gets old

I seldom take requests, but ‘Lovecraft’s other Ball’ last week laid down a challenge
I hope it lives up to expectations ENJOY!

The Ol’ Bidet

If tomorrow I occupy rooms
in countries not my own
And feel the need to eliminate
and sit upon the throne

In Western countries sink sits
beside the porcelain loo
A stand alone whose rapid flow
gives my bottom its just due

And I’m glad to have this wonderment
by which I know I’m clean
And I won’t forget to wipe it first
I’m proud of my hygiene
And I straddle well up over you
and spread it in my way
It changed my life, this warming stream
I love the ol’ bidet

In eastern lands the spout’s add on
No need to move your bum
Just push the buttons, feel the flow
washing off the scum

Back in the States there’re few streams
No buttons or a sink
I’ll call a plumber to install one
to wash my stink

And I’m glad to have this wonderment
by which I know I’m clean
And I won’t forget to wipe it first
I’m proud of my hygiene
And I straddle well up over you
and spread it in my way
It changed my life, this warming stream
I love the ol’ bidet

The Fat Girl on the Sink

Big Joe had been in a slump, you see,
Three years the well’s been dry
He’d get girls out for a bite
And give it the old college try
They shot him down all the time
Put his manhood on the brink
Then Bob whispered in his ear,
“The fat girl’s on the sink.”

A myth passed among the men
A rare sight to behold
A straw grasped by blue-balled men
Needing some hope to hold
A wonder granted by the gods
Big Joe did thus think
To see his shining savior
The fat girl on the sink.

But deeds like this haunt a man
When his friends find out the truth
But how could they learn if noone sees
And he would leave no proof?
Desperate times mean desperate things
Though they may not be so chic
Determined was Joe to see it through
With the fat girl on the sink.

He went to the outside bathroom
The one out of the boss’ sight
Only to find a long line of others
Sharing in his plight
Too late! He was spotted!
And his resolve began to shrink
But the pain in his scrotum brought him back
To the fat girl on the sink

A man came through taking bets
On when the sink would break
A fiver got you in the pool
So Joe anted up his stake.
He wrote the name of a man in line
On paper and in ink
Though hoping all would be well
With the fat girl on the sink

His luck for once did hold out
He got to take his turn
He walked in the room
And started on his yearn
At first he had a hard time
His shaft was in a kink
But he wasn’t giving up
On the fat girl on the sink

He finally got things going
The action just seemed right
This jiggly angel sent from beyond
Was going to end his blight
He didn’t worry about the others
Or how much she now did stink
He manly needs called to him
For the fat girl on the sink

He was called Big Joe for good cause
The fixtures began to shake
But he did not notice, however,
As he exercised his snake
The pipes rattled, plastered cracked
All fell within a blink
He landed hard on top of her
The fat girl on the sink

He got up and ran outside
And asked, “Who drew my name?”
“It was Bob,” was the reply
His friend took advantage of his pain.
And yet he felt all was right
And turned to give the girl a wink
“Thank you, doll, I will never forget
My fat girl on the sink.”

Steamy Hot

My baby knows what I like
when I want it steamy hot
My baby knows how to climb
when I need her on the top

She grinds me and she slimes me
when I want it steamy hot
She grinds and she grunts
as if she’s sitting on the pot

My baby knows how to use me
when I want it steamy hot
My baby knows how to use me
as if I were a pot

She drops her fruit upon me
from her anus steamy hot
Her fecal, joyous bundle
that I do like a lot

The Elevator

Everyone is looking at me
Everyone is looking at me
Everyone is looking at me
and I’m not going to take the blame

Looking for a child
Looking for a child
Looking for a child
see a toddler,” Damn, lady, what do you feed that kid?”

Back Room Treasure

Whenever I’m in town, I make it a point to see Evette
The brightest lights, abundant wine, blonds, redheads, and brunettes
Painted women line the walls, tasty little snacks.
But none can hold a candle to Old Sadie in the back.

The female window dressings are in the bloom of youth
But in Old Sadie’s head could be found not one real tooth.
She has few hairs upon her head – the few she has are white
And the huge mole upon her brow is a really haggard sight.

But when Old Sade on bended knees puts her teeth into a cup
The men who hear the muted klink fight each other to line up.
One by one she takes them on humming as she goes.
A mm mm good that makes her wrinkled cheeks begin to glow.

Afterwards they leave that place humming her catchy song
It stays with to force them back to her to serve their dongs
I pray to whatever gods are there to grant me some mercy
For I confess that in my head forever plays that melody.

Oh my Bloody Underwear

Coming from the office
His office- the Man
Yelling from his office
Just stick to his plan

At my desk
on my doughnut filled with air
He gave me stress and left me in
My bloody underwear

Never praise, never good
No lubricant in hand
Screaming, reaming
from this nasty little man

At my desk
on my doughnut made of air
nasty squishy feeling from
My bloody underwear