Category: my poetry

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Thoughts on the New Year

Apologies for taking a very extended break- I am back. Not truly a poem but just my resolutions for the year. Of course, I first resolve to post at least weekly from now on.

I resolve to live for today and not to dwell on the darkness of the past. All the guilt in the world is not bringing that squirrel back to life.

No sheep under the age of 7!

I resolve to always flush afterwards (unless I am at a large grocery chain). That leads to another one of my resolutions- I resolve to never fling fling fecal matter out the car windows again (They can DNA that crap now, anyway).

I resolve to never drink around a cow again!

I intend to get in shape this year, and the shape I choose is spherical!

I resolve to not get depressed or lonely this year remembering that I have batteries and latex to add that needed connection.

I will quit smoking. Now that many states have legalized it- what the point?

Please, add whatever your resolutions are in the guest section. Together we can achieve our goals.

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Suburban Wail

St. Augustine Grass!
St. Augustine Grass!
Puke perfect medium
for the preppy mass.

Mail boxes cloned
doors, windows, too
WASP droned zombies
not having a clue.

St. Augustine grass!
St. Augustine grass!
Sight gives me yearning
deep in my ass.

A varied scene
for look alike drones
A pile of brown
to spice up the tone

A gift a change
straight from my ass
Given with glee to
St. Augustine grass!

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Monthly Devil

Privileged white cotton
here to indict
To violate my innards
my most vulnerable site
Forced in me! Forced in me!
At the worst of all times
Sucking my blood
Sucking me dry!
No freedom from you
til engorged with my gore
This monthly devil
I really abhor!

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Tampon Haiku

I apologize about the break. A few weeks ago, I received a request for tampons. not really sure why. I will post three. Please, chose your favorite

In my dates bathroom
Used tampons in his cab’net
I ran out quickly

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Aquatic Evening

Have you ever woke up naked next to a fish?
When you first met with it, what was your wish?
Did you bring it home to make the night’s dish?
What happened at night that your clothes you now miss?
In your missing memories, did you obtain bliss?
Or was it a mess that made a great squish?
Were others there present to steal a cod kiss?
Or were you alone naked next to a fish?

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Another Limerick

Not one of my better ones, But how can I ignore Bangkok?Can you think of a better name for a limerick?

While in a bathroom in Bangkok
A tourist was offered a dick suck
A pretty face he did see
so he quickly agreed
But too much teeth left him a banged cock

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Standing in Line

All folks standing in line
showing the world their troubles
all folks in the store line
seeking answers in their bundles

Old man standing in line
eight large jugs
he has to lug
Ashamed to tell his family
about his need for prune.

Blocked up, needs a cup
find relief or he can’t sup
You can see that he’s blocked up
I hope he gets to poo

Young man standing there in line
seven crates of eggs
He needs targets to hit
many a house to peg
Then after the hunt
He will empty out a keg

There’s a girl, pretty blond curls
queued to buy peanut butter
5 jars too much for me
Not too much for her

She had kibble, too
A pup at home or a few
What does that butter do?
What sins will then occur?

All folks standing in line
showing the world their troubles
all folks in the store line
seeking answers in their bundles

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Granny’s Glory

“The glory o f your grandma
The goodness of her soul
Get me some of those cookies.
I don’t want to keep control”

My friend would say these words
when he was with me there
That high caloric need
all teenagers must share

My sweet gray haired gran
did her cookies well
And had my friend arunning
when e’er her whiffed the smell

When I saw him last years ago
I will ne’er forget
When last I spoke after prom
and I caught him half undressed

I was at the dance before he showed
unknowing of his plan
I knew the girls in the school
did not think him much a man

He came in. I ran up,
“What the fuck is this about?”
“Don’t be a prude,” Granny said
as she kissed him on the mouth.

I ran into the bathroom fast
and those cookies all came up
A teacher heard emetic noise
and thought I drank too much

Given the bums rush into a room
with other would be drunks
I told them I was guiltless,
not like those other punks

Another teacher came in
and whispered to them all
After the laughter died one said,
“Your granny left the ball”

I left my date and quickly ran
to my sainted granny’s house
Unclothed they both opened the door.
She hugged that stinkin’ louse

“The glory of your grandma
The greatness of her hole
with the age of her cookies
I need no birth control.”

I barfed again then
punched my friend right in his rotten face
Granny stepped in between and
put me in my place

Since that day, where they are
I really don’t want to know
He can rot in hell for all I care.
I miss her cookies, though

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Garden Variety

When summer shined bright during my childhood days
My father sometime would visit his sister
There was a garden thick and green where I played
but it always seemed kind of sinister

No flowers were planted, there was nothing for show
All plants were to make something edible
She tended well, these seeds she had sown
And had a harvest that was quite commendable

Spread out on a table was her produce to see
The daikons and carrots and parsnips galore
There were cucumbers and also zucchinis
As well as turnips and corn ears by the score

My generous aunt bade take what we want
But my Dad would not let me near the table
He would go through the garden and start to hunt
any unpicked items available

I didn’t know why he spent all this time
when so many were there for the taking
that we could have grabbed then quickly dined.
Why was this crop here being forsaken?

Now that I am older I think I might know
For I realize now that there was missing
the onions and broccoli and tomatoes
I also saw her with a pickle she was kissing

This was her garden of Earthly delights
All on that table had been tested
The tubers and gourds- it wasn’t right
So much of the produce molested

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My Righteous Lover

Never the wet spot for me
Never check before I pee
No complaints about my family

Because
I have a righteous lover

I always eat where I chose
No complaints about my shoes
Understands my monthly blues

Because
I have a righteous lover

I do not need ‘A’ man
when triple A’s understand
I press its button when I can

Because
I have a righteous lover