Category: fecal

Apologies for taking a very extended break- I am back. Not truly a poem but just my resolutions for the year. Of course, I first resolve to post at least weekly from now on.

I resolve to live for today and not to dwell on the darkness of the past. All the guilt in the world is not bringing that squirrel back to life.

No sheep under the age of 7!

I resolve to always flush afterwards (unless I am at a large grocery chain). That leads to another one of my resolutions- I resolve to never fling fling fecal matter out the car windows again (They can DNA that crap now, anyway).

I resolve to never drink around a cow again!

I intend to get in shape this year, and the shape I choose is spherical!

I resolve to not get depressed or lonely this year remembering that I have batteries and latex to add that needed connection.

I will quit smoking. Now that many states have legalized it- what the point?

Please, add whatever your resolutions are in the guest section. Together we can achieve our goals.

St. Augustine Grass!
St. Augustine Grass!
Puke perfect medium
for the preppy mass.

Mail boxes cloned
doors, windows, too
WASP droned zombies
not having a clue.

St. Augustine grass!
St. Augustine grass!
Sight gives me yearning
deep in my ass.

A varied scene
for look alike drones
A pile of brown
to spice up the tone

A gift a change
straight from my ass
Given with glee to
St. Augustine grass!

If tomorrow I occupy rooms
in countries not my own
And feel the need to eliminate
and sit upon the throne

In Western countries sink sits
beside the porcelain loo
A stand alone whose rapid flow
gives my bottom its just due

And I’m glad to have this wonderment
by which I know I’m clean
And I won’t forget to wipe it first
I’m proud of my hygiene
And I straddle well up over you
and spread it in my way
It changed my life, this warming stream
I love the ol’ bidet

In eastern lands the spout’s add on
No need to move your bum
Just push the buttons, feel the flow
washing off the scum

Back in the States there’re few streams
No buttons or a sink
I’ll call a plumber to install one
to wash my stink

And I’m glad to have this wonderment
by which I know I’m clean
And I won’t forget to wipe it first
I’m proud of my hygiene
And I straddle well up over you
and spread it in my way
It changed my life, this warming stream
I love the ol’ bidet

Everyone is looking at me
Everyone is looking at me
Everyone is looking at me
and I’m not going to take the blame

Looking for a child
Looking for a child
Looking for a child
see a toddler,” Damn, lady, what do you feed that kid?”