At Farmer Joe’s

At Farmer Joe’s
The sheep must run
To avoid Big Joe’s big fat gun
he rams all with. And with the cows
who meekly graze he shares his plow
With everything he takes his fun

The wife speaks up
to end these sins
Beasts worth more then out and in
with germs passed fro. And with the horse
she begs him take the saddle course
When mounting does begin

But Farmer Joe
will never learn
Even with dripping and a nasty burn
In his scrotum or with the rash
That turned his skin to mottled trash
Corn holing all with no concern

A flap to remember

I never like it hot.
I only like it cold
Heat brings friction,
irritation ‘tween my folds.

In summertime I wipe
Forever do I wipe
Constantly ‘tween the folds
but always I smell ripe.

As I wiped one day
I came across a bump
Poor little critter died in there
and rotted to a lump

So they’re always covered
And constantly cleaned
So none of Nature’s friends
will die there in between

HER Response to “Woman, Touch My Penis”

You start to whine about 35 years
but most of the time when were you here?
Down at the pub, out with the boys
Raising your wrist was your greatest joy
How ’bout the times you spent with those whores?
Everyone knew they weren’t really cold sores
Now you are broke down and not much to see
So you decide to come crawling to me.

Suck your own dick! Suck your own dick!
For 35 years you’ve been a big prick!
Suck your own dick. Suck your own dick
For 35 years you made me quite sick!

You talk about work- I made more than you
and did all  house work while you went and screwed.
The few times we did it, I had a child
That I had to raise while you ran the streets wild
Do you even think you can get it to stand?
Look in the mirror. You’re not much  a man
The shriveled thing has seen better days.
All things considered why should I stay?

Haiku II

I hope you all see a pattern forming

Frost on the windows
Chilling my Hersey Highway
It awakens me

Beat the Piss Mark

The games started late
at night -11:21
Phi Rho had the greatest prick
They had the biggest gun
Big Pete had such a dick
A mighty iron beam
From his pride with great force flowed
A mighty golden stream

Out of the drunk and noisy crowd
Many contenders did step out
Each one grabbed his member
and tried to win the bout
They had to beat the piss mark
the distance shot by Pete
Each one shot as hard they could
to claim the winner’s seat

They have to do their part. Their frat demands the win
They have to beat the piss mark. Their frat depends on them
Grab your rods hard, my boys, and turn those cocks around
Beat the mighty piss mark. You gotta cut it down!

The first one stumbled forward
and struck a mighty stance
So sloshed was he that all he did
was stand and piss his pants
“We have to beat the piss mark!”
was the battle cry
The next one came unzipped his pants
and said,”I’ll take a try”

A ray of light shot from his pal
Strong, and straight, and long
But it fell short of the mark
from Pete’s golden dong
The crowd cheered on many
to give it all they can
But as the night dwindled down
it had been beaten by no man

They have to do their part. Their frat demands the win
They have to beat the piss mark. Their frat depends on them
Grab your rods hard, my boys, and turn those cocks around
Beat the mighty piss mark. You gotta cut it down

Each club sent up a man
and each one felt defeat
The mark, it seemed, would stand for life
Never to be beat
Then spoke up little Susie
who seldom made a sound
“You drunks woke me up!
That’s why I’m in this gown”

“If you promise to be quiet,
I’ll put this mark to rest
She lifted up her gown to
to prove she was the best
Not even in Asian porn had
the crowd seen such a sight
She gripped her muff and shot a flow
proving she was right

She had to win this match  so she could get some sleep
She had to win this match so all the drunks would leave
She grabbed her box hard and spun her puss around
She beat the mighty piss mark then went to lay back down

Adventures in Aging, Pt. IV

As always, the female side of the coin

I’m only wet there when I cough
He tries so hard, but it’s for not
Get these clothes off; I’m way too hot
Menopause sucks balls

That movie made me cry and pee
But I piss for everything I see
God damn it! Don’t you look at me!
Menopause sucks balls.

Vaginal atrophy’s bitch
My mother never mentioned this
Doctors really don’t give a shit.
Menopause sucks balls.

Adventures in Aging, Pt. III

Three drops of pee
That’s all for me
No matter how I strain

Three drops of pee
But more I need
It should pour from me like rain

Three drops of pee
Despite coffee
Prostate’s a mighty damn

Three drops of pee
Massive swelling
I think I need exams