Poetry From the Other End of Experience
Not one of my better ones, But how can I ignore Bangkok?Can you think of a better name for a limerick?
While in a bathroom in Bangkok
A tourist was offered a dick suck
A pretty face he did see
so he quickly agreed
But too much teeth left him a banged cock
All folks standing in line
showing the world their troubles
all folks in the store line
seeking answers in their bundles
Old man standing in line
eight large jugs
he has to lug
Ashamed to tell his family
about his need for prune.
Blocked up, needs a cup
find relief or he can’t sup
You can see that he’s blocked up
I hope he gets to poo
Young man standing there in line
seven crates of eggs
He needs targets to hit
many a house to peg
Then after the hunt
He will empty out a keg
There’s a girl, pretty blond curls
queued to buy peanut butter
5 jars too much for me
Not too much for her
She had kibble, too
A pup at home or a few
What does that butter do?
What sins will then occur?
All folks standing in line
showing the world their troubles
all folks in the store line
seeking answers in their bundles
“The glory o f your grandma
The goodness of her soul
Get me some of those cookies.
I don’t want to keep control”
My friend would say these words
when he was with me there
That high caloric need
all teenagers must share
My sweet gray haired gran
did her cookies well
And had my friend arunning
when e’er her whiffed the smell
When I saw him last years ago
I will ne’er forget
When last I spoke after prom
and I caught him half undressed
I was at the dance before he showed
unknowing of his plan
I knew the girls in the school
did not think him much a man
He came in. I ran up,
“What the fuck is this about?”
“Don’t be a prude,” Granny said
as she kissed him on the mouth.
I ran into the bathroom fast
and those cookies all came up
A teacher heard emetic noise
and thought I drank too much
Given the bums rush into a room
with other would be drunks
I told them I was guiltless,
not like those other punks
Another teacher came in
and whispered to them all
After the laughter died one said,
“Your granny left the ball”
I left my date and quickly ran
to my sainted granny’s house
Unclothed they both opened the door.
She hugged that stinkin’ louse
“The glory of your grandma
The greatness of her hole
with the age of her cookies
I need no birth control.”
I barfed again then
punched my friend right in his rotten face
Granny stepped in between and
put me in my place
Since that day, where they are
I really don’t want to know
He can rot in hell for all I care.
I miss her cookies, though
A man once called an old sweetheart
In school of her virtue she would not part
Such a sweet little thing
That made his heart sing
He hoped the romance to now restart
On the phone she seemed quite receptive
Of his charms she seemed quite susceptive
so she penciled him in
to come around ten
He didn’t ask about contraceptives
He pressed the chimes at his angels door
Hopes for sweet salvation and more
She opened with whips
and tight leather slip
He ran like a bitch to join the peace corp
When summer shined bright during my childhood days
My father sometime would visit his sister
There was a garden thick and green where I played
but it always seemed kind of sinister
No flowers were planted, there was nothing for show
All plants were to make something edible
She tended well, these seeds she had sown
And had a harvest that was quite commendable
Spread out on a table was her produce to see
The daikons and carrots and parsnips galore
There were cucumbers and also zucchinis
As well as turnips and corn ears by the score
My generous aunt bade take what we want
But my Dad would not let me near the table
He would go through the garden and start to hunt
any unpicked items available
I didn’t know why he spent all this time
when so many were there for the taking
that we could have grabbed then quickly dined.
Why was this crop here being forsaken?
Now that I am older I think I might know
For I realize now that there was missing
the onions and broccoli and tomatoes
I also saw her with a pickle she was kissing
This was her garden of Earthly delights
All on that table had been tested
The tubers and gourds- it wasn’t right
So much of the produce molested
Never the wet spot for me
Never check before I pee
No complaints about my family
Because
I have a righteous lover
I always eat where I chose
No complaints about my shoes
Understands my monthly blues
Because
I have a righteous lover
I do not need ‘A’ man
when triple A’s understand
I press its button when I can
Because
I have a righteous lover
I never put down the toilet seat
Never have to share when er’e I eat
She never complains when I cheat
I have the perfect woman
No matter what, she never calls the cops
Even with a right hook across the chops
Always ready when I want the top
I have the perfect woman
Never screams when I stay out late
Don’t need to worry about her weight
Just now and then I need to inflate
I have the perfect woman
Does no work- she’s just a lump
She sometimes need the tire pump
And lots of lube when we hump
I have a blow up woman
Far
You want me to go far
With the costume you chose
Guided by your star
Dreams
I have my own dreams
Not being torn up
by your multiphalliced fantasies
In my bed and in my mind
I want something up your butt
In my head and in good time
I want something up your butt
Holes
You want to tear mine apart
Show me that hentai and then we start?
What the fuck’s wrong with you?
Holes
You have some of your own
They’re not a no entry zone
So, buddy, get a clue.
In my bed and in my mind
I want something up your butt
In my head and in good time
I want something up your butt
You got needs, I got mine
I want something up your butt.
Quid pro quo at all times
I want something up your butt
Right now
You want the suit, but you won’t go
that far for me?
For me?
Word of note. This is my homage to tentacle hentai
My father taught me well
as he lecture me on life
He spoke of many things
on finding the right wife
“Don’t listen to their words
people will always lie.
She’ll tell you she is open
giving everything a a try.”
“Sure, she is very willing
to try shackles and whips,
Even hacking and smacking
or hot wax on the nips
“She’ll even shank before
the neighbors on your lawn
But you don’t know how far ’til
the octopus suits on.”
I was puzzled at first
not knowing what to think of this
Until a cartoon threw me one day
into the abyss
It came from Japan
claimed to be tentacle porn
Definitely not for the weak,
On this I’ll forewarn.
In horror I watched
a creature with multiple dongs
attack the drawn heroine
in ways really wrong.
Some slongs were like rope
that bound her real tight
While his strikes could continue
without much of a fight.
An alien? A mollusc?
I don’t really know
what appendaged thing
savaged all of her holes
I should have turned
but felt a sick need to keep watching
then after the scene
I felt the need to start washing
I never did ask my father
how he knew of this shit
or was it something left over
from his once Navy stint?
His words will stay in my head
though he is long gone
“But you don’t know how far ’til
the octopus suits on.”
Gathered here on Turkey Day
Family here from far away
We won’t mention Joe’s conviction
as father prays benediction.
How can uncle be at large
with the gravity of that charge?
But it’s not me and for that I am grateful.
And there is sister Betty Lou
Whose love life is always a taboo
Beside her sits step brother Mitch
Whose life time partner is the biggest bitch
Aunt Fay, the dear, was in a crash.
And Bob was swindled out of his cash
But it’s not me and for that I am grateful.
Great Uncle Pat wears at his side
A colostomy bag worn cockeyed
So oozes brown and with foul smell
While 8 year old little grandson Mel
Is forced to endure the horrid stench
As he is made to share Pat’s stinky bench
But it’s not me and for that I am grateful.
Hoping this day will quickly pass
We pray while staring at poultry ass
For in the center of our great feast
is the traditional stuffed, roasted beast
celebrating this glad day spread wide
With non bird things crammed deep inside
But it’s not me and for that I am grateful.